The Globe Trotting Burrito: a Boloco Review

Goodish, could be gooder

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Enticed by the promise of $1 off any lunchtime burrito, the Fine Dining Club made the brief trek across town to take advantage. The subterannean Boloco is nestled along the bustling Main Street between quaint Hanover shops, a subdued facade that hides the Mexo-world fusion food within, brethren to such restaurants like Chipotle or Moe's. The restaurant itself is a triumph of urban reappropriation, an effective commercial use for an otherwise curious and most likely dank and dusty basement space.

The decor is a marriage of the space's rustic roots, apparent by the brick trimmed high, narrow windows that run the length of the establishment, and the post-modern, evidenced by the stylish, low-flourish furniture and exclusively helvetica-clad menus and signage. Customers can choose to sit in either the chairs at the restaurant-standard table (banal) or opt for the more exciting booths, which provide far more comfort and support. The booth also eliminates the need to pull out a lady's chair for her, so chauvinists can still get laid even if they aren't very polite.

The staff, not knowing that I was a high-quality, professional reviewer of restaurants, treated me with the same rough familiarity that comes from lax upbringing. Spare the rod, spoil the future service industry workers of tomorrow, as the saying goes. Despite the seemingly brusque demeanor, the good humor and fast service stands to their credit; after our party noted that we were "racers," their incredulity at our lack of spandex soon fell and they quickly made good the $1 off offer. No doubtthat they will never be sommeliers in a high class french establishment, these two men did a perfunctory job of taking our orders and money, but did stupendously well on the ever-important "make change" part of their job. It should also be noted that, when one of my party's order was incorrectly entered, there was no charge for it and another, more-accurate burrito was promptly engineered.

The menu boasts a range of culinary quirks beyond the Classic burrito. Also available on the standard menu are the Buffalo, featuring the distinct flavors of western New York; the Bangkok, a burrito that recalls images of spicy curries, peanut sauces and ladyboy prostitutes; the bbq, an homage to the tex-mex brand of bbq featuring spanish rice and bbq sauce; the Caesar, a rolled-up version of many people's favorite salad; the Big Green, a vegetarian offering for people who don't like protein in their diets or possibly still think cows have feelings that don't amount to "Boy I wish I were a steak."; the Cajun, a creole offering that will flood your mind with thoughts of Bourbon st; and a good deal of others, which I won't write about because this is getting boring, as well as the option to build one's own burrito, should a customer be intrepid enough to delve into the burrito construction theme. They also feature smoothies of some description.

In order to give the food a fair shake, I was naturally forced to try the classic, to see how it measured up to the similar restuarants of its ilk. The burrito was passable and succeeded in sating my hunger, the bare minimum of the product of any eatery. The well-wrapped nature of the container beneath left little spillage and the construction was such that I was able to hold on with one hand while applying sauce with the other. It is said that adding sauce to a dish is an insult to the chef, but I don't think these burrito builders were especially appalled. After all, as a reviewer I must feel all aspects of the dish; the way the flavors dance on one's tongue both as a naked entree, but also under the stronger, sharper flavors that can be added after the fact. The burrito did passably, excellent as a bear entree but the flavors flowing together a little bit under my steady, salsa-applying hand. In addition to the Classic, I was determined to take Boloco on on my own turf, so I ordered a Buffalo. An interesting take on what has traditionally been the most useless part of the chicken, this Buffalo wing analogue is, in fact, edible. The sauce stood somewhere between 'medium' and 'hot' territory, which worked well within the confines of the burrito space as a place for 'spicy' food but would not alienate those biased against a high-temperature mouthfeel. The addition of celery, though authentic, led to a strange texture dichotomy that may appeal to some auteurs but left this reviewer feeling mildy confused and vaguely betrayed.

Briefly, Boloco stands as an ample establishment from which one can pick up a mediocre to slightly-above-average burrito with a dash of international flavors. One and one quarter stars out of four, designating it above good but not very good, as per the New York Times reviewing mechanisms. Points deducted for service staff not kowtowing at my feet, had to pick up food myself, no smoking jackets of the finest silk for all patrons, no wine list, no toilet made of solid gold in the restrooms, no young child to give me a foot massage while I ate. Quarter point added for comping teammates meal and free refills on soda.



ATMOSPHERE Low-key, post-modern with little frill. Appears to cater almost exclusively to people wearing helmets and sunglasses. Aliens, maybe?
SOUND LEVEL Moderately loud when crowded.
RECOMMENDED DISHES Burrito.
WINE LIST No wine list, laughably enough.
PRICE RANGE Large Burritos, 6.95, Small Burritos, somewhat less .
RESERVATIONS There appeared to be no Native American Casinos on premises.
CREDIT CARDS All major.
WHEELCHAIR ACCESS Only if your wheelchair can climb down stairs.